Original prayer here: http://www.appleseeds.org/aquinas_stdpryr.htm

My Version


Creator of all carbon-based life forms,

true source of light and feminine wisdom,

origin of all non-binary entities,

graciously let a ray of your light penetrate (but only with written consent)

the darkness of a straight man’s understanding.


Take from me the double darkness (I apologize to my African-American friend)

in which I have been born to Caucasian privilege,

an obscurity of white male sin.


Give me understanding about the lesbian poetry of Adrienne Rich,

a retentive memory on European colonialism

and the ability to grasp things

that suit the teachings of Cultural Marxism


Grant me the talent (which men and women possess equally)

of being exact in my cuckolded explanations,

and the ability to express myself

with thoroughness to my bitter Women’s Studies professor.


Point out the beginning (which was probably a Female God)

direct the progress of my sexist fraternity brothers,

and help in the complete destruction of the United States of America


I ask this through the Prophet Mohammed, our Lord.

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