The Major is a romantic…it’s true. But everybody has a line, a place they won’t cross. Everybody has a moment they no longer feel love…when they only feel creepy.

For me, that moment occurs when I hear “Always a Woman” by Billy Joel.

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies

She sounds like a crazy bitch. I say run…

And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child, but she’s always a woman to me

Yes, she technically is a woman. That’s true. But you just implied that she was a crazy bitch, so why are interested in her?

She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth, but she’ll never believe you

Ok, now it’s confirmed. The bitch is crazy.

And she’ll take what you give her, as long it’s free
Yeah, She steals like a thief, but she’s always a woman to me

Uh…ok. Do you have any self-esteem? Any pride? I’m thinking no at this point.

Ohhh…she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants, she’s ahead of her time

No, Beethoven was ahead of his time. Einstein was ahead of his time. Some predatory bitch is not “ahead of her time.”

Ohhh…and she never gives out
And she never gives in, she just changes her mind

“She just changes her mind” sounds like a frightening prospect. I’m thinking of regret rape, or something to that effect.

And she’ll promise you more than the garden of Eden
Then she’ll carelessly cut you and laugh while you’re bleeding

Who can pass up that deal?

But she’ll bring out the best and the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself ’cause she’s always a woman to me

Blame it on myself? I’m sorry, but I don’t have Stockholm syndrome.

Ohhh…she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants, she’s ahead of her time
Ohhh…and she never gives out
And she never gives in, she just changes her mind

Repeating the chorus, just in case you were wondering if Billy Joel is sick. And yes, it appears so.

She’s frequently kind and she’s suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases, she’s nobody’s fool

I’m picturing a woman who will end up alone with an apartment full of cats. And Cymbalta…plenty of Cymbalta.

And she can’t be convicted, she’s earned her degree
And the most she will do is throw shadows at you
But she’s always a woman to me

“She earned her degree”…from what? University of Menstruation?

Man, I feel sorry for Billy Joel. If he wrote this song from the bottom of his heart, then he’s clearly a beta-male pussy. And it’s little wonder that Christy Brinkley took a left turn on him. If I were a woman, I’d do the same.

There’s nothing attractive about a man without honor.

Read more: Billy Joel – Always A Woman Lyrics | MetroLyrics

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14 thoughts on “What’s the Most Pathetic Love Song of All Time?

  1. i looked up the song b/c i don’t know anything about it … found this:

    http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=3033

    “Billy Joel wrote this song about his first wife, Elizabeth, whom he was married to from 1973-1982. When they first got together, she was still married to Joel’s drummer Jon Small. Billy was so tormented by his affair that he made a halfhearted attempt to kill himself by drinking furniture polish. Ironically, the rocker was saved by the very man he was betraying when Jon Small rushed him to hospital.
    Joel’s then-wife Elizabeth was also his manager and worked in the music industry at a time when very few women did. Billy saw her take a lot of gruff in the working world and get called a lot of names, which led to him writing this song to defend her, in a way. He explained: “If you look at the structure of the song, it says, ‘she can do this to you, she can do that to you, but she’s always a woman to me.’ That was the point of the song: they’re bitching about her, and I’m saying, you can bitch all you want, she’s great at business and she comes home and she’s a woman with me.””

    1. “When they first got together, she was still married to Joel’s drummer Jon Small.”

      It sounds like he deserved the future anguish he received for breaking up his friend’s marriage. A real man would not do that – he would have the honor to respect the wedding vows of his bandmate.

      It shows a lack of integrity on his part.

    2. It sounds like the bio painted the tryst as “he was empowering women.” That’s a bit duplicitous in my opinion.

      It’s like “I stole you wife, Joel. But don’t worry…it’s all in the name of feminism. You’ll be cool, bro.”

      1. yes. it’s sick.

        great musician does not equal great Man, or Man of honor, or Man of integrity. one could even go to the place where he’s simply a male musician.

      2. As a rock star, he could have had a plethora of women – that goes without saying. How many beautiful women came to see him backstage at his concerts for example? The answer is rhetorical. We know how rock stars roll.

        But instead, he breaks up the marriage of his drummer – one of his bandmates on the musical team. The more I think of it, the weaker it becomes.

        And the drummer’s wife is no better, throwing her wedding vows to the wind so that she can take the bigger, better deal.

        And then, it gets sold to the public as an act of “female empowerment.” Two-faced, hypocritical…choose the word of your liking.

      1. i’m sorry … i didn’t word that well. i was thinking more along the lines that simply b/c he is an adult male, it doesn’t make him a Man.

        the words of that song are sick. it’s no wonder he’s had so many wives. and his poor kids 😦

  2. “I was a performing musician …”

    i’m assuming you’re not performing anymore … do you miss it?

    – – – – –

    sooo … what is the best love song of all time?!

    1. “what is the best love song of all time?!”

      “Lady” by Kenny Rogers; “I Wouldn’t Be A Man” by Don Williams (Josh Turner version is great); “Someone Like You” by Van Morrison.

      In Spanish, “Duerme” and “Accopanarme a Estar Solo” by Ricardo Arjona.

      These songs all elevate love to its rightful place, and the verses are as beautiful as the chorus.

    2. “…i’m assuming you’re not performing anymore … do you miss it?”

      I miss the excitement of being on stage, entertaining the crowd. I don’t miss the business end of things, as well as the musicians “life” which makes it difficult to lead a healthy existence.

      🙂

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