What’s the Most Pathetic Love Song of All Time?

What’s the Most Pathetic Love Song of All Time?

The Major is a romantic…it’s true. But everybody has a line, a place they won’t cross. Everybody has a moment they no longer feel love…when they only feel creepy.

For me, that moment occurs when I hear “Always a Woman” by Billy Joel.

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies

She sounds like a crazy bitch. I say run…

And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child, but she’s always a woman to me

Yes, she technically is a woman. That’s true. But you just implied that she was a crazy bitch, so why are interested in her?

She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth, but she’ll never believe you

Ok, now it’s confirmed. The bitch is crazy.

And she’ll take what you give her, as long it’s free
Yeah, She steals like a thief, but she’s always a woman to me

Uh…ok. Do you have any self-esteem? Any pride? I’m thinking no at this point.

Ohhh…she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants, she’s ahead of her time

No, Beethoven was ahead of his time. Einstein was ahead of his time. Some predatory bitch is not “ahead of her time.”

Ohhh…and she never gives out
And she never gives in, she just changes her mind

“She just changes her mind” sounds like a frightening prospect. I’m thinking of regret rape, or something to that effect.

And she’ll promise you more than the garden of Eden
Then she’ll carelessly cut you and laugh while you’re bleeding

Who can pass up that deal?

But she’ll bring out the best and the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself ’cause she’s always a woman to me

Blame it on myself? I’m sorry, but I don’t have Stockholm syndrome.

Ohhh…she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants, she’s ahead of her time
Ohhh…and she never gives out
And she never gives in, she just changes her mind

Repeating the chorus, just in case you were wondering if Billy Joel is sick. And yes, it appears so.

She’s frequently kind and she’s suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases, she’s nobody’s fool

I’m picturing a woman who will end up alone with an apartment full of cats. And Cymbalta…plenty of Cymbalta.

And she can’t be convicted, she’s earned her degree
And the most she will do is throw shadows at you
But she’s always a woman to me

“She earned her degree”…from what? University of Menstruation?

Man, I feel sorry for Billy Joel. If he wrote this song from the bottom of his heart, then he’s clearly a beta-male pussy. And it’s little wonder that Christy Brinkley took a left turn on him. If I were a woman, I’d do the same.

There’s nothing attractive about a man without honor.

Read more: Billy Joel – Always A Woman Lyrics | MetroLyrics