Years ago, I held a woman in my arms. She was sobbing on the floor and tears were flowing down her cheeks. Her chest was heaving…the tears were from a place that was deep in her soul. An agony that was at the epicenter of her existence. A pain that was profound…a cut that could never be healed.
That woman was my ex-wife.
What was she crying about?
It was about the father she never knew. A man that died two months before she was born. On a summer day in 1978, he had a heart attack as he was pouring coffee in the morning. He was only 48 years old…and he would never get to meet his unborn daughter.
And so she grew up…a little girl in the world. And yes, she had a mother that loved her. She had cousins and uncles that cared. But it wasn’t enough. For every year, there was somebody missing. Every Christmas, there was a present that was not under the tree.
What she was missing was a FATHER.
Year after year, an absence grew in her soul. The magical love that only a father could bring. A thousand kisses that she never received. A million hugs that she never felt. All the support of a father…his golden advice. An infinite love that was waiting for his little angel.
What grew inside of her was the Grand Canyon of Emptiness. A Marianas Trench of Despair. A cut that could never be healed.
If only she could have known him! Just to hold her Daddy for a day…to feel his strong support. To stand within his protective arms! She would have paid a million dollars to have felt it – if only for a minute.
My dear reader, gold is nothing when compared to the love that a father has for his daughter.
I could not save my marriage. She was too far gone. By the time I got her, the damage had been done. I tried, but it was futile. Nobody could put her back together again. The more I tried, the more painful it became. I was drawn closer to the fire. I saw a pain that I was not ready to see. And I felt an agony that was too deep for my life.
A house is constructed from the floor upward. If the foundation is not set correctly, then the house will always be wobbly.
Never let anybody tell you that a father is insignificant. Never let anybody tell you that a woman can “Do it on her own.” Never let anybody tell you that “The Future is Female.” It’s a giant lie. A media trick…
For gold is nothing when compared to the love that a father has for his daughter.
See related article: Essay Review” The Turning Point of My Life”
Major Styles 
How tragic… And beautifully described. I am tempted to say more, but since this is a real person, it would only be misguided.
Thank you for your response, Dr. Martina. It was a story that I needed to tell.
this should read: Gold is nothing when compared to the power a father has over his daughter and son.
for not every father loves his son and/or daughter as he should, but every father holds a power over his son and/or daughter that she cannot deny – for it is hardwired into every child. what he does with it can either make them or break them.
my father chose and continues to choose to abuse that. i am 53 and the pain only becomes greater with age.
my daughters’ father pointedly told them each he didn’t like them nor want them when they were in adolescence and the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual wounds continue to be devastating.
Thank you for sharing, Ame. Your point is duly noted.
I took some dramatic license with the piece in order to make a point. But I could, as your testimony shows, have written a much different post.
I wasn’t expecting you to change your post title.
This is an excellent post with a powerful message. I am very sorry both you and your ex went through that.
Thank you. 🙂 We are all products of our experience, no?
Absolutely.
“my daughters’ father pointedly told them each he didn’t like them nor want them when they were in adolescence and the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual wounds continue to be devastating.”
That is horrible, Ame. I am sorry to hear this.
Thank you. And it is horrible. However God is still good and has been very good to all three of us. I forced my girls to take the time and effort to work through it all after he died. By the grace of God they have both forgiven him and are able to talk about him peacefully and remember the good.
my girls and i know those kinds of tears; we have shed them often.
I am sorry to hear that, Ame. I can only imagine.
Sadly, not every man rises to the occasion of fatherhood. I don’t understand how it’s possible, but it happens far more than it should.
I don’t understand it, either. Nor do I understand mother’s who put themselves above the needs of their children. There are terrible mothers out there, too. Unfortunately, I had one of those, too.
i need to come back and apologize for hijacking your post. please feel free to delete my comments. i’m sorry 😦
No need to apologize, Ame. Your insight is ALWAYS appreciated (I know your comments come from a good place).
This is an excellent article. Nothing further.
Thank you, sir Boxer.
Fyi…I always enjoy your comments on the respective sites. Very astute eye you have.
You have a sensitivity that is perhaps greater than xxmy own, Major Styles, but sensitivity can be dangerous in service of the wrong ideals.
HOWEVER, this is NOT an implicit criticism; merely a hang-up of xxmine in terms of power structures, relations, and genders.
Your advice (and compliment) is appreciated Xtrabeing.